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SIGNAL DECRYPTION: 17%(click:"17%")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
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SIGNAL DECRYPTION: 89%(click:"89%")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
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[[AND A SECRET SLIPS BETWEEN TWO TELEPHONE WIRES]]]]]]][[the black hole outside this window continues to mock me.]]hypatia 27 is, all things considered, fairly unremarkable. this little patch of space used to be a solar system, the twenty-seventh major star cluster radiating outward from the center of the charybdis galaxy, with the singular star sitting at its core.
according to our earliest satellite readings, that star — the titular hypatia 27(click:"titular hypatia 27")+(t8n:"dissolve")[ (hypatia 27A, if we want to be precise)] — collapsed into a black hole some thirty thousand years ago. when she went supernova, she devoured two planets in the system and half a dozen natural satellites, but the larger planets that orbited her have managed to survive.(click:"managed to survive.")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
well, managed to survive [[for the time being.]]]it’s only a matter of time before hypatia devours everything in her system, before she sucks in the distant gas giants, before her gravity starts pulling it all even closer still to the next system over and she begins devouring THOSE stars too. she will continue to grow, and if she continues at this rate she will ultimately merge with the next nearest black hole, and the next, until they take up this entire arm of the charybdis galaxy. it’s inescapable.(click:"it’s inescapable.")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
fortunately, the ultimate obliteration of this system will happen on a scale of millennia, not years. i’m here to document the process and watch for anomalies — but i’m [[under no real threat]], in this satellite.]but a job is a job, and the life of a satnav — as lonely as it is — has tasks that still need to be done.
it’s a strange sensation of purgatory, this job. to know that one death happened long before you arrived.(click:"long before you arrived.")+(t8n:"dissolve")[ to recognize another death will follow long after you’re gone.(click:"long after you’re gone.")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
to whittle away the inevitable time between. to bear witness, [[with no one else to keep you company.]]]](event:when time>2.5s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[“i’m telling you, it’s because you don’t actually study for your exams [[when you say you will.]]”]]it wasn’t the first time i’d been to their apartment. we hadn’t made it a regular thing, my decision to join the two of them for dinner, but i swung through often enough now that i knew how to make myself useful in their tiny kitchen.
[[i was helping august set up the soup.]]
[[i was helping pepper prepare the garlic bread.]]
[[i was helping set the table.]]
(set:$augustCount to 0)
(set:$pepperCount to 0)i set the loaf on its side, making a swift, clean split with the breadknife. pepper crushed the cloves, mixing them with butter and parsley. behind us, august continued to dice vegetables, spooning them to the pot.(click:"august")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
pepper continued her argument, pointing the basting brush at august with an accusatory wag. “this wouldn’t be a problem if you actually took the time to review your notes. you think if you show up to tennyson’s lectures and just jot down a few details about basic satnav protocols without actually trying to drill them. there’s [[more to this work]] than just following what’s on the screens.”]
(set: $pepperCount to $pepperCount+1)i nestled a couple of wineglasses in the crook of my arm, then grabbed a handful of cutlery from the drawer before making my way to the table. i kept one ear to their conversation as i began setting our places.(click:"their conversation")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
pepper continued her argument, pointing the basting brush at august with an accusatory wag. “this wouldn’t be a problem if you actually took the time to review your notes. you think if you show up to tennyson’s lectures and just jot down a few details about basic satnav protocols without actually trying to drill them. there’s [[more to this work]] than just following what’s on the screens.”]the lentils were already simmering, but i continued to help august dice some more carrots and celery. she stirred the pot, occasionally testing for flavor and adding some more thyme. behind me, pepper placed the sliced loaf on a baking tray, brushing it with butter and parsley.(click:"pepper")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
she continued her argument, pointing the basting brush at august with an accusatory wag. “this wouldn’t be a problem if you actually took the time to review your notes. you think if you show up to tennyson’s lectures and just jot down a few details about basic satnav protocols without actually trying to drill them. there’s [[more to this work]] than just following what’s on the screens.”]
(set:$augustCount to $augustCount+1)neither of them spoke with a harshness to their voice. it wasn’t the first time they’d had this same debate. it had been a point of concern ever since our cohort had received the results of our placement exams; since the two of them had learned that they were eligible to partner up on the same mission together.
august turned away from the soup, letting the ladle rest. “i know there’s more to our work than just following orders. you know i’m part of this program because i’m committed to the research we’re doing here.”(click:"committed to the research")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
“i know you’re committed, aug. and i also know how you get when you get stressed.” pepper slid a roll of tinfoil from the drawer near her, ripping a sheet with one fluid tear. “i know that when things get tough, when you get stressed, sometimes you check out for a bit and lean on the graces of others.”
“we all have to lean on each other’s graces sometimes, right? it’s a natural give and take.” august looked back at me, expectantly. “isn’t that right?”(click:"“isn’t that right?”")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
i tore a couple of paper towels off the roll for us to use as napkins as i thought about my response.
[[“everyone has their strengths and their weaknesses.”]]
[[“sure, but you have to double down on the work eventually.”]]]]august nodded at my response. “and not only do we all have our unique strengths and weaknesses — it’s all specialized work. i mean, it’s literal rocket science that we’re doing here,” she continued, which got a small smile out of pepper.
“i promise i’m not slacking off here. i’m not trying to make excuses, to sit back and just coast on the work that the rest of our crew will be doing. once we’re part of a whole team, i can promise i’ll start pulling my own weight. you know that i will.”(click:"you know that i will.")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
pepper handed her the tray of garlic bread and gave her a knowing look. “and you promise you’ll actually start studying more regularly?”
august gave a rueful chuckle as she slid the tray into the oven. [[you’re right about that.<-“i guarantee it.”]]
]
(set: $augustCount to $augustCount+1)pepper nodded in agreement. “see? august, we’re not saying that you’re not approaching this rigorously. you’re one of the most rigorous people i know. but this work requires us to be consistent, not checking in and checking out.”
she picked up the baking tray, garlic bread in hand, and wiggled her elbow at august in that universal gesture of ‘please move out of the way so i can stick this in the oven’. as she pushed the oven door, the two of them shared a knowing look.(click:"a knowing look.")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
“we’re a team in this. we’re always a team in this. you know that i’ve got your back. but when we get to central command, it won’t be just the two of us at that desk — it’ll be a team of five, of six, and we’ll have more riding on our success. i need to know you can also pull your weight.”
august smiled at that, a soft smile. “of course. [[you’re right about that.]]”]
(set:$pepperCount to $pepperCount+1)“but enough bickering between the two of us,” august continued, before turning her attention toward me. “we haven’t even begun talking about you!”
“you do have cause to celebrate,” pepper agreed. “you got the briefing for your deployment, right? with accolades! just like [[jan]] last year. i’m certain you’re excited to be following in his footsteps.” she moved for the wineglasses on the table, pouring us all something to drink.
[[i smiled as we cheers’ed our glasses together.]]i quirked a smile at the thought of our friend, who’d gone off just a year prior. we always considered jan something of a model student, confident and sharp and top of his cohort.
i knew, from very rare occasion, that his smiling, easygoing confidence was a mask that concealed his anxieties. i’d had the chance to hear some of his doubts in the past.(click:"doubts in the past.")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
i’m not sure whether he had ever confided those fears to august and pepper. but if he hadn’t, i wasn’t going to be the one to dispel [[that image they held of him.->you’re right about that.]]](event:when time>1.5s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[none of us brought up [[the elephant in the room.]]]]they knew what was going on between you and me. they had to have known what was going on between you and me. they knew you had transferred to central command; the three of you were all shifting your training away from active deployment, staying on the ground. receiving information from our deployed satnavs out in space.(click:"our deployed satnavs")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
and they knew i had made the decision to remain in solo deployment, to stick with a satnav that would put me on a solo post. that would pull me away from all of you. that i would be isolated on this outpost, monitoring a black hole on my own for years.(click:"monitoring a black hole on my own for years.")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
they knew you and i weren’t talking. [[they hadn’t asked me why.]]
]]in some ways, these gatherings felt like a purgatory of their own. we all knew i was slated for solo deployment, and barring any extenuating circumstances, i had about a year of training left before i would be shipped off to my station. they were a formality, another way for us to mark time between two inevitabilities.(click:"between two inevitabilities")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
if i were younger and more cynical, i would have dismissed these get-togethers as a way for pepper and august to maintain my good graces; that they knew from jan’s deployment the importance of leaving on a high note; that if i was going to be stuck on a tin can for ten years, i should think fondly of them as much as i could.
of course, i knew the truth. this wasn’t just a way for me to remember them; it was also [[a way for them to remember me.]]]the dinner itself went well. the garlic bread turned out just the way pepper always likes to make it, soft and buttery but with a firm snap. pepper laughed when i dipped my slices into my bowl of soup, then laughed again when i leaned over and the soup fogged my glasses. august, ever the host, continued to keep the wine flowing.
after dinner was over, we crowded around the coffee table and continued to polish off the wine. i remember easing back in my chair and watching the two of them lounge on the couch as they discussed some show they were both watching. i remember pepper shifting her gaze over my way, meeting my gaze for a second before saying:(click:"before saying:")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[“i always was impressed that you stuck it out the longest out of all of us.”]]]that gave me pause. “in the training program?”
“yeah, that you didn’t decide to test out the way the rest of our study group did. jan notwithstanding — we all knew jan would stick with it. and of course aug decided she was going to transfer the first opportunity she could get —”
“it wasn’t the FIRST opportunity,” august retorted with a playful swipe.
pepper continued. “but it takes a lot of conviction, to commit to something at that scale. you’re dead-set on continuing this work for ten years? remember those guest lecturers that tennyson used to bring in during our first year of training, those former satnavs who were so washed out? how did you commit? [[how did you feel so confident in yourself?]]”i felt an impulse welling up in my stomach to correct them. i wasn’t confident; i was just as uncertain as the two of them had been when they decided to leave. but i looked back at pepper, and i saw the expectancy in her eyes. to confess that doubt would have made it real. not only for her, but for me as well.
i took a sip of wine and mumbled a half-baked answer:(click:"half-baked answer:")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[“i’ve always found ways to keep myself company.”]]
[[“this work is larger than any single one of us.”]]]august raised her wineglass in a toast to that. “you know yourself better than anybody else on this world, right? the only person who’s been by you thick and thin, every day since day one. you always did have a bit of a lone wolf vibe that i appreciated.” she flashed a grin at that, and pepper swatted at her again.
“but in all seriousness,” she continued, “pepper is right. the fact that you managed to keep your head down and make it this far is impressive, but there’s still one more leg to this race. we’re glad you’re toughing it out, and we’re thrilled you’ll be making it to the finish line, but...”(click:"but...")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
she swirled the wine in her glass, searching for the next words.(click:"searching for the next words.")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[“the truth of the matter is, it just won’t be the same when you’re gone.”->won't be the same]]]]
(set: $augustCount to $augustCount+1)“sure,” pepper nodded, her fears assuaged. “just like central command. we’re all at the desk, operating as part of a team, and you’re still just as connected to the team. still part of the desk.”
“a desk that’s a bajillion lightyears away,” august muttered under her breath. pepper chuckled at that.
pepper stared down at her wineglass, not looking either of us in the eye. “but i think i speak for both of us when i say that we are going to miss you. [[won't be the same<-once the program is over.]]”
(set:$pepperCount to $pepperCount+1)i looked back and forth between the two of them. “well, we’ve still got time, right? i’m here for another year; we should make the most of it as long as we can.”
on impulse, another thought sprang out of my mouth before i could quell it. “promise me one thing, though —” (click:"“promise me one thing, though —”")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
they both leaned in, curious what i would say next.
“even though [[i won’t be around...]]”
(if:$augustCount >=2)[“no matter [[where you two go next...]]”](if:$pepperCount>=2)[“no matter [[what happens to me...]]”]
]
“promise me you’ll continue to be the best at whatever it is you do.” i drained the last dregs of wine from my glass. august started to speak, but i cut her off.
“i don’t want either of you to feel ashamed, or embarrassed, or anything about transferring out of solo deployment. you’re going to kick ass at central command, and you’re going to kick ass at whatever you decide to do after that. you’re on this path for a reason. just... just promise me you’ll stick with it. you won’t give up because of some dumb bullshit that tennyson or whoever says, okay?”
the question lingered in the air for a moment, before august reached over and clutched pepper’s hand. “of course we will.”
[[i had to smile at that.]](event:when time>2.5s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[i wonder, sometimes, [[whether you three ever talked about me.]]]]“don’t talk about me as though i’m dead.” i set my glass down on the coffee table forcefully, the last drops spilling for a moment. “promise that you won’t put me up on some untouchable pedestal, that you won’t treat me like an infallible memorial.”
“we'll wonder what we think you’re up to,” pepper said after a moment’s silence. “which meal rations you’re cooking that day.”
“whether you’re learning any new songs on the guitar,” august chimed in. [[i had to smile at that.]]“promise me the two of you will stick together, okay?”
the two of them gave each other a look as i pressed on. “i know, when we all started out in training together, we all had this expectation of signing up for these solo deployment missions. that we were consigning ourselves to a fully isolated mission. but you two make a great team, and if anybody from our little study group is going to stick together, i just want it to be the two of you.”
pepper continued making eye contact with august, a soft smile at the corner of her lips. “you know, i think we can commit to that request.”
[[i had to smile at that.]]pepper and august and i continued to hold those impromptu dinners, all the way until my deployment. somehow we always avoided mentioning you. i think they weren’t certain how sore a subject it would be, how stubborn we both were about cutting each other off.
knowing the two of them, they probably extended us both that same courtesy. but i have to wonder.(click:"but i have to wonder.")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
god, listen to me. “i wonder if you still think of me.” i hope you’ll forgive my ramblings. like i’ve been saying: it’s not like there’s [[anyone else to keep me company up here.]]]just me and the black hole; one certain death behind us,(click:"one certain death behind us,")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
one certain death ahead,(click:"one certain death ahead,")+(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[and the inevitable time between.]]]]end of log(event:when time>2s)[(t8n:"dissolve")[
[[restart?->origin]]]]